I find myself wondering how the power of attraction can be such a difficult concept to accept...and have recently realized that it's not that the attraction doesn't take place, but it's that we are so clouded by our minds, that we don't even know what we TRULY desire! Getting to the heart of that, I have found amazing things have come into my life...how freeing! how amazing! and so expansive!
this year, I have been seeing a therapist who has helped me identify my attraction patterns in relationships...she was with me through a hard break up and a wonderful path to healing :-) that is definitely still in progress! about a month ago, we had an amazing session that finished with the exclamation "now, this is what I call unhexing your heart!". I giggled in excitement (of course), because, unfortunately, the last 1-2 years has been a very difficult heart year for me...one that, in an hour long session, I felt release from... as if a huge weight had been lifted off of my chest! It was amazing. And how do you UNhex, you may ask? Well, for me, it had to do with uncovering my unconscious wants; my preconceived notions about what "love" feels like, and then my pursuit of that kind of love with my unconscious desires to reproduce it. Not surprisingly, I got my ideas about love from my first love, my dad :-) Now, don't get me wrong, I LOVE my dad; he is an amazing man who I am so profoundly grateful for in my life. BUT, that being said, my love relationship with him was not really ideal. My dad was the person I wanted love from the most, but, as is the case in many family relationships, he wasn't the best match for what I NEED in a loving relationship. Good thing I've been trying to recreate that love for the past 10 years...awesome job Michelle.
So, "unhexing" my heart was like pulling away a fuzzy screen over my desires; and how easy things became then! How easy to see that my last relationship did NOT satisfy my desires, and that my inability to let go of it was my unconscious love pattern just wanting to repeat! ooooh, the release :-) it was amazing.
Maureen and I spent time putting together a list of my needs in a loving relationship. And as I felt the stability of those needs being met in a companion, I smiled :-)
so, interestingly, the week of my unhexing, as I excitedly approached the Lady Gaga stage at Lollapalooza among thousands of eager listeners, I ran into none other than Luke, the ex :-) And WHO KNEW that I would ever put a smiley face after saying that?! I was so centered and so happy, and felt so capable of loving him without the slightest feeling of longing for our past relationship. It really was amazing.
Shortly after this "reunion", I spent some time with one of my best friends, who was immediately concerned by the encounter. And rightly so! I had been in an on and off relationship with my ex for over a year prior to our most recent break up; it was a rollercoaster that many of my friends had trouble supporting. As I tried to explain the unhexing, I realized I wasn't even sure how to describe it. What did I UNhex?? It felt so natural to be in my current state, it's as if I couldn't remember what I was like before. And that's the beauty of it; being an observer, I was able to see my unconscious patterns and, ultimately, uncover my true desires, my true self, and my ultimate power to manifest...so f'ing awesome! so empowering!
So, in true goddess form, I'd like to spend a moment to reflect on what my true desires have manifested recently in my life: let's brag!
I brag that I am starting an awesome t-shirt company with my best friend!
I brag that I went on a date, felt confident, had fun, and made out all over Chicago!
I brag that I ran a half marathon in under 2 hours
I brag that I am now training for a full marathon!
I brag that I teach yoga, and taught to 45 students last weekend!
I brag that I am eating healthy and losing weight!
I brag that I had a naked photo shoot and took powerful female pictures of my beautiful body!
I brag that I will see a long lost friend at my upcoming marathon!
I brag that I am exploring my true desires and finding pleasure in seeing them manifest in my life, DAILY. I brag that I am uncovering the fact that I AM the creator of my reality!
With love, I observe my unconscious behaviors, dissolving their hold on my life, actions, choices, and path. With love, I become...I AM
