Tuesday, February 8, 2011
life goes on...
i haven't blogged in a while...where has my beloved journaling gone? i have missed it!
this year started out with intensity! i think it actually knocked the wind out of me...and in usual michelle form, i kept to the grind until i hit rock bottom and found myself grounded at home, sick...as I come out of it, the many things I have been thinking about over the past month are beginning to flower out of me :-) happy reading
grandma died on 1/6/11...strong start. but, really, it was. what a life-full experience! in death there is life...i really don't know how else to explain it! i watched my grandmother die, and watched all those around her live more than I had ever seen before. WOW. so f'ing interesting...
so, I returned form my norwegian love week on 1/3/11 and literally walked straight off the plane, into a car, and into my grandmother's apartment. her life blows my mind- 93 long years of life...my god, i can't even imagine all she saw. she struggled a bit at the end, and I struggled more than I thought i would. but i celebrated her life with my family, and "oh what a beautiful morning" playing in the background :-) it really was beautiful. now i wear her jewelry and look at pictures of her around my apartment, and feel her presence in my life even after death. that has been an amazing emotional experience.
the experience with my grandmother made me want to write about my acknowledgement of how quickly a year seems to pass...and yet how much actually HAPPENS in a year! i cannot even imagine being back where i was a year ago...it just doesn't seem possible to be BACK THERE again. and yet, it went by so quickly! it seems, in the blink of an eye, i ended up here...and so much different than I was before. it's wonderful to notice all that I was able to create this year, and realize that the simple BELIEF in those developments are what really made them happen. it's also wonderful to notice all that i allowed myself to experience, FULLY, within myself, and realize that it was my simple acknowledgement of MYSELF that allowed them to be. I have never felt more truly myself than i have this year...and look what it has brought me!
i recently read a book about past lives and was amazed by how much it changed my perspective on life. i never really had a strong opinion about past lives...and even now, after reading this book, am still slightly undecided on my personal beliefs about past lives...but it resonated with me so much that i've found it has become a part of almost every interaction i have had since. i cherish the people in my life, and experience them as purposeful spirits in my spiritual path in my current body...does that sound crazy?? maybe...but i honestly do not know how else to say it...this book made me CHERISH
when i look back on this year, i am blown away by how much I feel I have grown, and cannot even express in words how much I have cherished each and every one of these experiences. i believe life is about learning, and looking at one year of learning, i am utterly dumbfounded by what my spirit is in pursuit of learning in this lifetime. how amazing to think about! it must be something big...
this year, i learned:
- that mourning the loss of a loved one is worth celebrating
- that loving someone does not mean holding them up, "fixing" them, or looking to find satisfaction from what they can provide me, but, instead, encouraging them to create and reveling in their creation :-)
- that dreams become reality DAILY, and that discovering my true dreams is the key to success
- that cherishing relationships allows me to accept them for what they are and find myself growing stronger through experiencing them
- that the more i see myself, the more i can see past the physical and mental JUNK in between two people communicating
happy 2011...to another year of expanding!
woohoo!
now, to put all the seriousness aside...music is f'ing AWESOME and rocking in my life right now! I have to make mixes weekly for yoga, and just can't seem to get enough. check out my recent posts to your right :-)
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