"The universe yearns to see your smile and hear your laughter because you are the universe personified, and thus you are how it smiles and laughs."

From my buddha sister :-) Love you Sarah!

“Observe the wonders as they occur around you. Don't claim them. Feel the artistry moving through and be silent.”

-Rumi

"Let the beauty of what you love be what you do."

-Rumi

songs i loveD which led me to my new recent loves :-)

Alas, i must move aside my past loves (below) to let in new wonderful music :-) check out my new playlist to the right...those songs are verging on obsession currently.

letting go

My last session with Maureen ended by ripping up the pages we had been working on for weeks; my feelings about this, that, my past, my future, how it affects me now...on and on (for probably at least 5 pages). oh what "work" we had put into that! and just like that, RIP, they were gone! my first gut reaction was "oh no! oh...aah!"...and then i immediately started giggling and clapping my hands. ha! it was amazing! so liberating. i had moved past it :-) i didn't need them anymore!

We moved into a meditation, and i left our session with a new lightness...i walked out of her place, heard the waves crashing on the beach, the breeze...hopped on my bike, and smiled all the way home. Another session of "unhexing"....it's such an amazing experience. how was i not doing this before??

it's so easy to resist change...to fear stepping out of our comfort zone, or out from behind our protective walls. after my first break up (god, i hate that i even have to say FIRST...! so many break ups with the same person...! aah!), i hid behind exercise and alcohol. don't get me wrong, both felt AMAZING at the time (ha!), but, it never really changed anything. i still woke up feeling the same, and feared looking at the pain and repeating patterns in my life. nothing really started changing until i allowed myself to feel the pain; and oh how much i cried! i cried in yoga studios all over chicago! and then after the crying, i suddenly saw myself...i observed....and i realized i needed to act! all of the sudden, i could actually SEE what was happening in my life. that's when i started my sessions with maureen- a light in my life :-)

when i first began noticing my behaviors, the things i clung to, it freaked me out beyond belief to even think about letting go of them. like the flash of fear i felt as the pages ripped, i felt like letting go was going to rip me of my strength, throw me down, beat me up, and leave me to die! sound a bit dramatic? haha, yes, i know. but, honestly...it was f'ing SCARY! who am i if i am not this stone solid woman with no soft spots?! no love for the weary!! do not let go of your defenses! oh my...

recently, i just started reading a wonderful book called "Meditations from the Mat". each day, it gives a quote and describes a principle of yoga. i picked this book so i could learn ways to put into words what i have experienced with yoga (it can be so hard to do!) so that I can share it with my students. yesterday, i read about renunciation...i couldn't believe how well it reflected what i have been experiencing in my sessions with maureen

renunciation- an act or instance of relinquishing, abandoning, or sacrificing something. hmm...doesn't sound that great probably, right? but, what about growth? i find new perspectives replace old...letting go of something brings birth to a new understanding...

in my life, with the comfort of a spiritual guide, i let go...i SEE...and my fear of the death of my patterns (the scary, gut wrenching RIP! of my past) becomes a rebirth...a giggling fit :-) a lightening...

i have new eyes..there is no going back :-)

"...the furniture of our life gets moved, and we are forced to pay attention...suddenly we are seeing the world with new eyes..."

"When we are ready to let go, we will do so with relief. We will experience renunciation not as a death but as a birth"

-Meditations from the Mat

Let's prep

In preparation for october's deliciousness, I would like to start by offering the following Local Natives songs. wonderful!

family love

awesome how life works to really show you things. I've been super tired lately; just feeling exhausted! oftentimes, I feel a bit down when I'm tired, but, this time is different. The changes I've been feeling in my inner world...all radiating into my outer world...I just can't say enough about how it has changed the way I live! I feel capable of allowing myself to feel my present moment, and to not judge it. what a difference that makes!

I definitely believe my current state of fatigue is related to running- I have been running more miles per week the past month than I probably biked in the past couple months combined! it's pretty cool to realize I can pull it off...totally motivational. but, it is definitely taking a toll. pealed off a chunk of skin from my foot yesterday...really attractive, eh? ;-) and I sat at the table last night with a bag of frozen corn on my knee- first time I've ever iced any part of my body without having an actual "injury", just overuse...the other thing I've noticed is that I just cannot sleep enough! wow, how the bed daydreaming has increased! :-) I LOVE MY BED

so, with all this fatigue, it surprised me today to notice that I didn't feel even the slightest bit cranky about it all. considering my past, I would say that the need for food and fatigue are my two largest crabby instigators. but, alas, today I was smiling happily as I sunk into my chair with a sigh and felt my weight supported- oh the delight! someone who knows me might have actually been concerned...what has gotten into michelle?? she is tired...but smiling...? something must be wrong here...

I've read a lot of books over the past few years, and this recent observation made me think back to a story I read about a man who had had a traumatic accident and became paralyzed. as you might imagine, this was viewed as a very sad accident! but, the author of this book met this man, connected with him eye to eye, and immediately saw how at peace he was with his physical body; completely surrendered to the now...wow, how that stuck with me. it is the most vivid picture i have from the entire book. if i can barely handle the feeling of being hungry, how might i fair in a similar situation? it really is an impressive perspective to practice taking...

I find myself often admiring the views of beautiful chicago as I run. running with the rising sun, the seagulls, and the sound of waves on the beach can be breathtaking sometimes; it's hard to deny how amazing it is. my running partner is excellent at pointing out the beauty around us and encouraging gratefulness for that beauty. last week, however, we both struggled in our runs; him with nasty rain, and me with a cold...he commented on how finding the beauty was so much more difficult as the setting changed.

But, what power, to be able to DECIDE how we feel...regardless of what life gives us. we think of rain or colds as "bad"...well, then they're bad! but i got a cold, and i felt tired, and i felt stuffed up...and I NAPPED endlessly (which I, personally, really LIKE!). my cold made me slow down- I ate better, I rested better, I stopped my incessant connection through electronics, I stopped running...I connected with the power of my stillness. and it was eye opening :-)

On a monday morning, as I took in the gray chicago sky, and sleepily walked from my office to the hospital, my sister called me. she excitedly asked me "do you know what song was in my head when I woke up today??" by the way, how can anyone EVER answer such a question?? we both giggled before she even got to the answer, and then she sang "oh what a beautiful mooooorrrrnnning!" a song from our grandma's favorite musical...it brought together so many feelings and thoughts I had been experiencing lately, that I just had to share it. oh what a beautiful morning- the sky is gray, my head feels the size of a watermelon, it's before 7 am, and my day at work will not end until almost 6pm...but I'm HERE, and I am ME, and I choose that all of these things are beautiful, meaningful, and exactly what they are meant to be in the moment. oh what a beautiful morning!

i am in love...with october

take a look at this lineup! it's ridiculous!

10/2 Local Natives

10/5 Ra Ra Riot

10/7 fly to Columbus for wedding weekend; Jorgen flies in from OSLO

10/8 bridesmaid in my best friend's wedding, yay! and Scott's birthday! double yay!

10/10 Chicago Marathon!

10/10-10/12 staycation with J :-)

10/14 The Drums

10/15-10/17 Dad's 60th birthday party in Michigan; Carrie in Chicago from Florida

10/22 LCD Soundsystem in Milwaukee

10/24 Phantogram

10/29 Gala in Madison

10/31 Halloween

I might sleep through November...

The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire.

-Ferdinand Foch

We are the ones we've been waiting for

"There is a river flowing now, very fast. It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid. They will try to hold on to the shore. They will feel they are being torn apart and suffer greatly. Know that the river has its destination. The elders say we must push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open and our heads above the water. See who is there with you and celebrate. At this time in history we are to take nothing personally, least of all ourselves, for the moment we do that, our spiritual growth comes to a halt. The time of the lone wolf is over. Gather yourselves; banish the word 'struggle' from your attitude and vocabulary. All that we do now must be done in a sacred way and in celebration. We are all the ones we've been waiting for"
-Hopi elder

"When everything you retain is lovable, there is no reason for fear to remain with you." - A Course In Miracles

New and old loves

I was so surprised to first hear, and then actually like both of these songs...life definitely is humorous :-) and continually brings a smile to my face!

song 1: sent to me by luke. what a love for soul he has! this song is probably something i would have never come across on my own, and now find myself singing loudly around my apartment with headphones on :-)

song 2: don't judge...i know this song is ridiculous. but, SO ridiculous that it actually becomes very enjoyable! this song came into my life through pure chance as I went through my entire itunes folder and deleted all duplicates...yes, somehow i actually OWNED this song, don't ask me how. now, honestly, i probably would have scrolled right past it, except that i saw the title "pillow talk" and the description "soul hits of the 70's". yesssssss. additionally, this song came on at the exact moment i was flirting online with a cute norwegian (gotta love technology), and it actually made me laugh out loud. lol ;-) enjoy!