family love

awesome how life works to really show you things. I've been super tired lately; just feeling exhausted! oftentimes, I feel a bit down when I'm tired, but, this time is different. The changes I've been feeling in my inner world...all radiating into my outer world...I just can't say enough about how it has changed the way I live! I feel capable of allowing myself to feel my present moment, and to not judge it. what a difference that makes!

I definitely believe my current state of fatigue is related to running- I have been running more miles per week the past month than I probably biked in the past couple months combined! it's pretty cool to realize I can pull it off...totally motivational. but, it is definitely taking a toll. pealed off a chunk of skin from my foot yesterday...really attractive, eh? ;-) and I sat at the table last night with a bag of frozen corn on my knee- first time I've ever iced any part of my body without having an actual "injury", just overuse...the other thing I've noticed is that I just cannot sleep enough! wow, how the bed daydreaming has increased! :-) I LOVE MY BED

so, with all this fatigue, it surprised me today to notice that I didn't feel even the slightest bit cranky about it all. considering my past, I would say that the need for food and fatigue are my two largest crabby instigators. but, alas, today I was smiling happily as I sunk into my chair with a sigh and felt my weight supported- oh the delight! someone who knows me might have actually been concerned...what has gotten into michelle?? she is tired...but smiling...? something must be wrong here...

I've read a lot of books over the past few years, and this recent observation made me think back to a story I read about a man who had had a traumatic accident and became paralyzed. as you might imagine, this was viewed as a very sad accident! but, the author of this book met this man, connected with him eye to eye, and immediately saw how at peace he was with his physical body; completely surrendered to the now...wow, how that stuck with me. it is the most vivid picture i have from the entire book. if i can barely handle the feeling of being hungry, how might i fair in a similar situation? it really is an impressive perspective to practice taking...

I find myself often admiring the views of beautiful chicago as I run. running with the rising sun, the seagulls, and the sound of waves on the beach can be breathtaking sometimes; it's hard to deny how amazing it is. my running partner is excellent at pointing out the beauty around us and encouraging gratefulness for that beauty. last week, however, we both struggled in our runs; him with nasty rain, and me with a cold...he commented on how finding the beauty was so much more difficult as the setting changed.

But, what power, to be able to DECIDE how we feel...regardless of what life gives us. we think of rain or colds as "bad"...well, then they're bad! but i got a cold, and i felt tired, and i felt stuffed up...and I NAPPED endlessly (which I, personally, really LIKE!). my cold made me slow down- I ate better, I rested better, I stopped my incessant connection through electronics, I stopped running...I connected with the power of my stillness. and it was eye opening :-)

On a monday morning, as I took in the gray chicago sky, and sleepily walked from my office to the hospital, my sister called me. she excitedly asked me "do you know what song was in my head when I woke up today??" by the way, how can anyone EVER answer such a question?? we both giggled before she even got to the answer, and then she sang "oh what a beautiful mooooorrrrnnning!" a song from our grandma's favorite musical...it brought together so many feelings and thoughts I had been experiencing lately, that I just had to share it. oh what a beautiful morning- the sky is gray, my head feels the size of a watermelon, it's before 7 am, and my day at work will not end until almost 6pm...but I'm HERE, and I am ME, and I choose that all of these things are beautiful, meaningful, and exactly what they are meant to be in the moment. oh what a beautiful morning!