old "recent loves"

check out my new playlist to the right...out with the old, in the with new...

abundant belly

i think i might have eaten my weight in food yesterday...no really...

i know that is pretty much impossible, but it really felt like it. what HAPPENED?! it started with a spice cake...and ended with a mexican restaurant binge. 9 flour tortillas later, i went to bed feeling like i might never eat again, completely astounded by what had just happened...even better, i woke up this morning literally feeling HUNG OVER. i lost the battle with gluten...AGAIN...damn sticky shit. i swear, it's worse than alcohol sometimes. but oh how i crave it!

so i woke up this morning and barely at breakfast. actually, i barely ate all day! and, for anyone who knows me, they know this is EXTREMELY out of character for me. as drew used to say, i eat like a fat person. yes, this was actually an accepted description of me in college. thank god i was not fat, or i might have found it extremely insulting...

so, hung over from FOOD. now that's just nasty. i even got comments from my patients saying i looked like i had a rough night the night before. yeah, me and the tortillas, we had it out. it was a crazy party...

so, as i detoxed my way through the day, i pondered my recent binge...and it brought me back to the idea of abundance. i've read a lot about abundance in the last few years. or maybe i should say that i've read a lot about our misperception of scarcity. we hoard things, money, love, food, etc etc, as if there isn't enough to sustain us. I see this in the simplest of settings...like watching my mom eat at a table with others...almost nervously eyeing the food and quickly taking a portion of each dish to make sure she gets some. and, believe me, i have definitely done the same! but, i also see it in more complicated situations; at work, or in personal relationships. so many of our fears in these settings seem to stem from an inherent belief that the universe will NOT support our efforts. always on the defense, life is hard, protect yourself at all times...

how does this relate to my tortilla debacle? well, as i assume so many of us do, i eat when i'm stressed. it's pretty ridiculous how repetitive this pattern is for me. stressed out at work, pressed for time, pressured to finish something or rushing to be somewhere/get something done, and the first thing that comes to my mind is all the delicious sweets i'd like to eat with my lunch. or maybe i could just skip lunch and have a cookie...yeah, that seems like a perfectly logical way to get me through this little bump in the road. sugar...check...chocolate...check...NOW i'm ready to tackle this problem! literally, now i'm full, hormones pulsing euphoria through my veins...i am no longer lacking what it takes to make it through this day...but, ten minutes after the sugar settles, i realize i'm just back where i was before with the addition of a lovely sugar headache...and...well, not much else...

so, this is my pattern. it sucks. it's honestly funny to observe and realize how often it happens. and why? because i feel a lack of strength, a lack of abundance, and, instead of finding it within myself, i crave the high of suger to get me through it.

yoga has brought the word "mindful" into my vocabulary in a very new way in the past year. in those moments when my mind is racing, and i'm in search of quick answers, mindfulness reminds me to slow down. obviously mindfulness has not had a strong enough effect on my eating habits...but yesterday might have been just what i needed to bring that concept together with abundance. being mindful, i am able to slow and connect with the abundance of the universe...reassuring myself that i already HAVE all that i need.

a good friend of mine has repeatedly said that your relationship to food is actually a manifestation of your relationship with yourself. and how true this is for me...

it can be applied to every single area of life outside of yourself; your relationship with your lover, your relationship with your parents, your siblings, your friends. relationships take two. and although we may constantly feel like we would rather try to control the other half of the relationship, what we really need to do is improve our relationship with ourselves.

being mindful of my spirit, food doesn't solve any problems for me. being mindful of my spirit, a lover, a friend, a parent, does not fulfill any part of me, but only adds to my already abundant life.

i choose to let go of a belief in scarcity, and remind myself that i am abundant, i am supported, and i am full and complete as i am.

...thank god this realization occurred before the holidays...gobble gobble ;-)

my business, my passion EMBODIED

so, i'm officially starting a business...with all of my free time, right? ;-) ha! but it just IS...and it feels so right. i am partners with my buddha sister, and it's wonderful. i have a folder in my business email address titled "inspiration", and, if you can believe it, it is just about as full as my "website" and "design" folders ;-) sarah sends me inspiration...i swear, it flows like a waterfall from her at all times! so amazing! here's the latest addition to the lumi inspiration folder, enjoy!

Many times we do not give ourselves enough credit for how much power we have over the course of our lives. We outsource the cause of our suffering, grief, anger and resentment to other people, big companies, the government or a Higher Power.

But the truth is this. The way you see the world isn't how the world is - the way you see the world is how YOU are. Since any reality can be created through the power of intention, the life you are currently living and the world you are experiencing today is totally a by product of your thoughts about life.

Choose to believe and act on the thoughts that feel the best (even if, and especially if, they seem unrealistic or impossible). Successful people don't hope or wish themselves into success. NO - they ALL persistently THINK and ACT their way to success.

Get in touch with your inspiration. Think thoughts in alignment with what inspires you. Take action from the thoughts that are in alignment with what inspires you.

Do this daily without giving up and eventually a whole new WORLD will be yours to experience.

"Let Passion Drive your Profession"
-Oprah

Love you Both!

Miss Bliss

Work, money, and life SUCKING

so, the other day, i had this "ah ha" realization that I have always thought work should SUCK. it's so natural for me to believe that, that i honestly had trouble believing any other point of view could exist. does anyone else feel this way??

i have memories of my dad coming home from work, honestly looking like he was beaten up...and then getting up the next day, and going back for more. jeez, how PAINFUL to watch each and every day as a child! he was always a proponent of the idea that "work is hard", "life is HARD", and basically that it all pretty much SUCKS. not ALWAYS, mind you, but just most of the time. and ESPECIALLY if you ever wanted to make enough money to survive...then it was going to be painful...

so, i guess i didn't really think about that much as i grew up until i started working. and, in some cases (like when i worked as a personal trainer at 24 hour fitness, aka hell on earth), it really did seem to fit. I made $22,000 my first year out of college...my god, is a college education only worth $22,000?! i was happy, but i was definitely not feeling confident in my money situation. savings? i had no idea what that was...besides saving credit on my card to buy groceries...oh, and a cat ;-) haha

in this past year, however, i have found myself really enjoying work...i mean really enjoying it. and i'm making a pretty good living. AND, in the past year, i have also pursued other passions, like volunteering for a breast cancer awareness group, teaching yoga, running a marathon, and starting a tshirt company. :-) yay! haha...it really all makes me feel like smiling :-) and yelling "yay!" apparently ;-) but, all joking aside, i really love it all! and somehow it all fits in, and i feel happy as I pursue it all...

this week, however, i had a dead on "straw that broke the camel's back" experience...to a tee. one thing at work went not as planned, and all of the sudden I felt my smile fade, and work started sucking. i mean REALLY SUCKING! i felt like i looked like my dad when i got done with work- worn out and wearied by a painful, long, and unfulfilling day at work. and, just like that, my enjoyment for work crashed to the ground...i spiraled...and i came back to my belief that "work is hard", "life is hard", and pretty much "everything suuuuccccckkkkssss!".

wow, what an effect a belief can have on you! it's almost worth laughing about...! so little changed, but, all the sudden, my entire reality changed. the positive feelings i had about work, and my LIFE as a woman pursuing her career completely faded into a nasty ball of dark icky feelings...i felt pressured to work, pressured to suffer, and pressured to be something for someone else just because...well, that's the way life is, HARD, PAINFUL, and SUCKY!!

well, here's what i say to that: F THAT PERSPECTIVE. i felt it's pull...i sank into despair...but i refuse to let it define me anymore. dad, i love you, but your belief about life is just not suiting me anymore...and i have decided to change it...here's what i came up with:

"it is easy to grow my career and make positive contributions to others by following and doing what i love."

BAM.

May seem simple...but it was like the golden key that unlocked me from my self created prison...and now...i'm BACK. :-)

i CHOOSE this belief. i CHOOSE. :-)

to work, money, and life manifesting my true love :-) yay!