the zen of motorcycle maintenance

i just started reading a book called "the zen of motorcycle maintenance". excellent book; i would highly recommend it :-) the author delves into ideas of zen as he travels across mid america on a motorcycle. and even if you think you know nothing about motorcycles (or do not even care to know anything about motorcycles), you'll probably find this book still speaks to you :-) i promise...

i don't think i'll be riding across mid america on a motorcycle anytime soon. but, my run today reminded me of this book. just as the author's mind wanders as he rides his beloved motorcycle, my mind wanders during my runs. i've probably had some of my most clear moments while running. i'll call this my zen of marathon training ;-)

so, on a run today, i had this really great realization. it may seem very simple and obvious to some people, but for some reason, this was a whole new light on life for me...ha! i had this thought: fear paralyzes, love ignites

right now, i'm thinking a lot about love and life. whether to pursue love or to let love go...choosing one option can sometimes be just as scary as the other. and, in my rational mind, i feel i am constantly trying to logically understand which option is "best" for me. in my struggle to work through this in my mind, i felt completely out of touch with where my difficult emotions were coming from. if i choose to hold onto love, is it for having love, or for fear of losing love? what are my emotions telling me?

and then...there...in the middle of my angst, the clarity hit: FEAR PARALYZES, LOVE IGNITES.

BAM, new awareness :-) and there's no going back.

so how does this relationship make me feel? do i feel my emotions about it paralyze me or fuel me? well, that just got much easier :-) check in...how does my body feel? do i feel open or closed? do i feel stuck or do i feel expansive? the concept "choose love" just took on a whole new meaning.

choose what fuels you, what ignites your passions...acknowledge fear, but CHOOSE LOVE :-) ignite!

welcome back to reality

yoga alone in a studio...how have i not done that before?

my welcome back to reality after traveling has been a bit harder than i had anticipated! of course, i experienced the usual cringing when returning to responsibility, cold, being busy...but, beyond that, i have an unexpected sense of things changing and unraveling in my life that I just couldn't have anticipated. maybe it's because it seems my life has been constantly accelerating to this point...and now the acceleration is gone...i'm not quite sure. but, last night, after teaching a scuplt yoga class that i wasn't even sure i had the energy for, i practiced yoga by myself in a hot empty yoga studio...with my choice in music playing over the speakers, and only me and my breath to keep me company. it worked wonders...and as an instructor, i'm not quite sure how i've never done that before.

my angel card yesterday was "release". yoga helps me release :-) and as much as change makes me want to hold on, control, and resist, i have to remember the word tattooed on my foot, "surrender". the universe is obviously trying to remind me ;-)

all good things come to me when i release my fear, when i surrender to the present. I allow those things unfolding around me to be experienced by me fully. and from that place of fullness, i will always manifest my truth. i am able to love those around me regardless of our definitions, our differences...and cherish the love i have

yogaaaa. happy friday

old recent loves

life goes on...

i haven't blogged in a while...where has my beloved journaling gone? i have missed it!

this year started out with intensity! i think it actually knocked the wind out of me...and in usual michelle form, i kept to the grind until i hit rock bottom and found myself grounded at home, sick...as I come out of it, the many things I have been thinking about over the past month are beginning to flower out of me :-) happy reading

grandma died on 1/6/11...strong start. but, really, it was. what a life-full experience! in death there is life...i really don't know how else to explain it! i watched my grandmother die, and watched all those around her live more than I had ever seen before. WOW. so f'ing interesting...

so, I returned form my norwegian love week on 1/3/11 and literally walked straight off the plane, into a car, and into my grandmother's apartment. her life blows my mind- 93 long years of life...my god, i can't even imagine all she saw. she struggled a bit at the end, and I struggled more than I thought i would. but i celebrated her life with my family, and "oh what a beautiful morning" playing in the background :-) it really was beautiful. now i wear her jewelry and look at pictures of her around my apartment, and feel her presence in my life even after death. that has been an amazing emotional experience.

the experience with my grandmother made me want to write about my acknowledgement of how quickly a year seems to pass...and yet how much actually HAPPENS in a year! i cannot even imagine being back where i was a year ago...it just doesn't seem possible to be BACK THERE again. and yet, it went by so quickly! it seems, in the blink of an eye, i ended up here...and so much different than I was before. it's wonderful to notice all that I was able to create this year, and realize that the simple BELIEF in those developments are what really made them happen. it's also wonderful to notice all that i allowed myself to experience, FULLY, within myself, and realize that it was my simple acknowledgement of MYSELF that allowed them to be. I have never felt more truly myself than i have this year...and look what it has brought me!

i recently read a book about past lives and was amazed by how much it changed my perspective on life. i never really had a strong opinion about past lives...and even now, after reading this book, am still slightly undecided on my personal beliefs about past lives...but it resonated with me so much that i've found it has become a part of almost every interaction i have had since. i cherish the people in my life, and experience them as purposeful spirits in my spiritual path in my current body...does that sound crazy?? maybe...but i honestly do not know how else to say it...this book made me CHERISH

when i look back on this year, i am blown away by how much I feel I have grown, and cannot even express in words how much I have cherished each and every one of these experiences. i believe life is about learning, and looking at one year of learning, i am utterly dumbfounded by what my spirit is in pursuit of learning in this lifetime. how amazing to think about! it must be something big...

this year, i learned:

• that mourning the loss of a loved one is worth celebrating
• that loving someone does not mean holding them up, "fixing" them, or looking to find satisfaction from what they can provide me, but, instead, encouraging them to create and reveling in their creation :-)
• that dreams become reality DAILY, and that discovering my true dreams is the key to success
• that cherishing relationships allows me to accept them for what they are and find myself growing stronger through experiencing them
• that the more i see myself, the more i can see past the physical and mental JUNK in between two people communicating

happy 2011...to another year of expanding!

woohoo!

now, to put all the seriousness aside...music is f'ing AWESOME and rocking in my life right now! I have to make mixes weekly for yoga, and just can't seem to get enough. check out my recent posts to your right :-)

I love how these guys got a hold of this song and rapped with it. I'm sure they were like, WOW, this beat rocks! i know i personally have been obsessed with it ever since i first laid ears on it...go slug

sinking into love

maybe i love winter running for the way it makes me sink into the NOW.

today, i had such a pleasant run home. started with a friendly goodbye from my coworkers, the first steps with an amazing song on my headphones...and continued to bring me smiles all the way home. the streetwise guy sang me a "you got it" song, the nonprofit fund raiser gave me a high five, and the only other runner i came across gave me the cordial head nod...i smiled the whole way home...sunk into a warm shower, pj's and leg warmers, and a hot tea... :-) what a wonderful evening...

i am crazy

yesterday, my friendly door man, Don, almost followed me up to my apartment...trailing behind me, he seemingly could not stop exclaiming how crazy i was. why you might ask? because yesterday it was a whopping 6 degrees Fahrenheit outside, and I walked in with my bike (per the usual) after a chilled ride home. mind you, my door man is somewhat of a "special" man- can't do more than one thing at a time, prone to stuttering, maybe a bit socially awkward...? but he's not the only one i've received these crazy comments from. he IS the only one who has followed me, but...it seems everywhere i go lately, people look at me with wide eyes, jaws dropped as they stare at me in amazement as I put on my helmet (over a really attractive hat, mind you), pack up my awesome basket, and take to the cold chicago streets on my masi (oh how i love you bicycle!).

so, it got me to thinking. WHY is this seen as such a crazy thing to do? i mean, come on Chicago, we might hibernate a bit more in the winter, but it's not like the cold is, say, a toxic cloud making all movement in Chicago impossible (oh no! oh my!). is the cold going to kill me?! not so much...the temperature drops, and, suddenly, something I do daily has become the object of so much interest and exclamation, that I honestly am not quite sure how to respond to it anymore. my latest thought has actually been, "you should try it".

and in life...think of those things that people give you crazy looks about. the entrepreneur who had a "crazy" idea and then hit it big...was he crazy? the girlfriend who moved to NYC to date a man she barely knew and fell madly in love with him, got married, and moved to australia...was she crazy?

maybe the crazy looks are really just a mirror of the doers own excitement. and a realization by the observer that those "out of the ordinary" things can and ARE done by people just like them. life IS interesting, and passion filled, and always changing :-) i know i love biking, and feel amazing every time i get off my bike- even if i can't feel my fingers. Don saw that...and trailed me!

this past two years has been an amazing time of growth for me. and when i look back on it, i realize i've gotten a lot of crazy looks. if it began with biking year round, that was just the start! i'm crazy for reading a book and driving to toronto to see the author speak, i'm crazy for teaching more and more yoga, i'm crazy for running a marathon, i'm crazy for going to norway for a cute norwegian love, i'm crazy for starting a passion filled tshirt company...i'm crazy for jumping the night away on a trampoline at a holiday party...

...and i'm crazy happy :-D

let's get crazy!